IT'S A QUIET THING, CHARLIE BROWN!

Happy New Year!
This year I made some resolutions but one is to uphold a resolution I made back in July of 2013.  A Half Year Resolution, if you will.

Recently I've been noticing a common theme coming up again in the studio (and even OUTSIDE of the studio) and it's something that I really struggled with in my own way, as well, up until this summer when I developed my Half Year Resolution and things are going much better.
The issue at hand is this:  Allowing close people in our lives to turn something that makes us happy into something that makes us unhappy.

If you're a singer or performer, I'm sure you've come in contact with someone along the way who, upon showing them something you're proud of, makes a comment that throws you into the depths of self-doubt. "That note was funny." "Your voice is really nasal." "You're so loud." "Is it supposed to sound that way?"  And something that once was fun is now not fun anymore.  So you stop.

I've been hearing a lot of these stories lately around singing in particular and, although somewhat indirectly, I could totally relate. I luckily am too psycho to care about the comments I've heard about my singing voice, but I certainly could relate to regrets about sharing something important with someone who didn't have the capacity to appreciate it for whatever reasons. I finally found a way to dig myself out of the holes created by the negativity grenades that have been tossed my way, so I want to share with you how I did it, how it's going and how you can do it, too, in relation to your singing or anything else.

This summer I read a book that I actually chose as one of my top Mixie Picks back in December.  It's called The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown.  I discovered her TED talks this year, read her book, took an online class with her and basically try to live by her mantras and remind myself of them every day.  One thing in particular that she says in her book was immensely helpful to me in sort of a backwards way in regards to the aforementioned issue, and it has changed my life in a huge way.  She said this pertaining to stories of shame and vulnerability, but I found it to be equally helpful pertaining to stories about joy.

Brené says:

"Our stories are not meant for everyone.  Hearing them is a privilege, and we should always ask ourselves this before we share:  'Who has earned the right to hear my story?'"




I am a REALLY hard worker and when I have work-related victories I like to share them with the people I care about.  I went through years of working so hard and (thankfully) being rewarded occasionally whether it be my Master's Degree, a job offer, a raise... feeling totally elated and proud, and then calling someone to share my happiness only to have it swatted down. "Oh.  Did you know somebody over there who helped you get the job?" "It's just non-equity though, right?" "That's all it pays?" Or the dreaded "Wow, congratulations…*eyes glaze over *"

And then it's not a happy thing anymore.  It turns into guilt, doubt and questions of self-worth.   Should I not have wanted this? Did I deserve it? Maybe this isn't as good as I thought it was. Maybe I'M not as good as I thought I was. Maybe this isn't for me after all.

And so before I read this book, I went through a period where I stopped telling people about the things that made me happy.  It took me days, weeks and sometimes months or even years to let people know I was dating someone, got a part in a show, got a job… all so I could sit in my own happiness for a while and not let it get spoiled.  I can't tell you how many times I had Liza's rendition of "A Quiet Thing" in my head this year.


And then I read this book and realized I WAS on the right track but I really had to adjust something.  Here is my abridged, elementary school lesson plan version.

This is You.

Think of it this way.  You're Charlie Brown.











Charlie Brown has MANY friends.

In almost every episode, Charlie Brown goes to Lucy for advice and confides in her because she's his friend.

And in almost every episode, he gets this in return:

 

He is continually seeking the support of a friend, and in return she continually sabotages him.  Why does he keep going back to Lucy? She's there, she's available, she is seemingly offering support, but we can see that this is repetitive behavior that needs to be changed.  We can't change Lucy's behavior because we're not Lucy, so we have to change Charlie Brown's behavior which is the bad habit of going to those who don't deserve to hear our story because they repeatedly prove that they will not give us what we want, need, or deserve to hear

We have to be responsible for protecting ourselves against potential football fake-outs and those who are just out to take our 5 cents.  BUT!  The lesson I learned from Brené's book is that we don't have to stop telling people our stories (or singing) altogether just because of one rotten Peanut.

We have to look around at where the real support consistently comes from:

It's Here!

Linus is always the voice of reason and, if you've seen the Charlie Brown shows, you know that the really meaningful conversations usually happen at this brick wall.   Linus is always supportive of Charlie Brown no matter what and he never makes matters WORSE.  He just listens and because of this he has, in fact, EARNED the right to hear Charlie Brown's story. 

You have to find your Linus and allow ONLY Linus to share in these experiences with you because your Linus will never make you feel badly about something you feel good about like the Lucy's in your life will.
This isn't to say you can't still be FRIENDS with Lucy.  Lucy is still fun to play baseball with… but maybe don't call her right away when you're asked to direct the Christmas Play or when the Little Red-Headed Girl sends you a Valentine… or even when she DOESN'T send you a Valentine!  Linus is always the one to call for that.

Many of us stop singing because we had a couple of people whose opinions we considered important make some stupid comments whether consciously or unconsciously about the quality of our work.  Maybe they were only trying to help, maybe they were jealous… but regardless of the reason for their comments, we still found them to be hurtful and they shut us up.  We don't have to stop singing or expressing ourselves entirely.  We just have to stop singing for THOSE PEOPLE and stop seeking the approval of THOSE PEOPLE.
Yes, your father might be a very important person in your life, but if he is the one who consistently makes vaguely critical comments concerning your high notes to the point of making you terrified to open your mouth at an audition, he isn't the important person to go to for SINGING-related stuff. Go to him for other things, but singing won't be one of them. It's hard work to keep things we're proud of to ourselves but it's well worth it.
It's easy to forget with our cultures dependency on social media sites that it's not exactly natural to announce our every move to our entire social circle.  It's our learned reflex to tell everybody we know everything about the things that make us happy and hope our friends click the "Like" button, but sometimes to protect our most prized moments, we have to fight the urge to post.  

In implementing this Half Year Resolution, I've learned to detect the football fake-outs early on and avoid them almost altogether.  I have been off of Facebook since September and honestly, I'm kind of loving it.  I haven't been going to my Lucy's as often with the stuff that's really important to me and so I've been much happier about my accomplishments, and my relationships with my Linuses are getting even stronger because I'm realizing that those people are trustworthy and will never take the football away when I try to kick it.  The brick wall is the place to be!

Happy New Year, everybody!

If you want to try Brené Brown's book, find it here on Amazon.com

MIXIE PICKS OF 2013 (YOU get a blog and YOU get a blog and YOU get a blog!)

Happy Cyber Monday! I know I am not sponsored by Harpo and many of my favorite things are no-brainers. But "Picks" rhymes with "Mix" and "Chicks"… so I just felt it was my moral obligation to write a list of the stuff I liked from 2013…  stuff that made me a better performer, teacher and/or person.  Favorite new performances or old performances I just happened to discover this year and some other fun stuff!
   Fun Home is a new musical with a score written by Jeanine Tesori and it was one of my favorites this year.  If you haven't had a chance to see it yet, it is playing for another couple of weeks at the Public.  The writing and the acting is fantastic, but one of my favorite things about it is that each of the three actresses who play the protagonist (age 8, age 18 and age 43) sing just like they speak.  They do a really nice job at making seamless transitions from scene to song while still singing some very difficult music.  See immediately for some "mixing" mastery.This is what musical theatre should be about, folks.  This show got totally overshadowed by some of the bigger stuff playing this season, but this is a must see.  I hadn't laughed like that in a longgggg time and, again, the acting is phenomenal.  It reminded me why I like Musical Theatre and I'm not kidding.  

This is written by the woman whose TED Talk went crazy viral.  Oprah started working with her and having her as a guest on Super Soul Sunday and doing online courses with her.  She writes about some difficult topics like Perfectionism, Shame, Vulnerability, etc., and her writing is totally accessible.  Her stuff really changed my thinking this year and I think any performer could really benefit from hearing what she has to say.  I also appreciate her because she admits she's having NBD's just like the rest of us.  If you haven't heard of her yet, take a look at Brené Brown's Ted Talk  

This is a cool new band that I am now obsessed with.  They're called MANICANPARTY and they're based in NYC.   After a really hard day I like coming home, turning the lights off, lighting some candles, closing my eyes and feeling like I'm having some kind of earthy, meditative experience with this in the background.  I'm a little biased because the lead singer has come into the studio a couple of times, but I just really like her voice and their sound.  You can actually download their FREE EP here.   And I love this video:

This is an iPhone photo of an oracle card reading that was given to me as a gift by my very talented friend, David.  Basically what happens is he hears you speak (I chose to speak about things that were bothering me this summer) and he finds a common thread between them (my common thread was "relationships").  Then he draws cards from a deck and teaches you about the ascended masters on each of the cards (Buddha, Jesus, etc), what they taught in their lifetimes and how those lessons would apply to what was bothering me.  The process was ultimately (again) life changing and he is like a messenger from the universe.  His blog is here.  Life changing.  LIFE CHANGING! 

This microphone is called The Snowflake and I recently purchased it from Amazon.com.  This microphone is GREAT for anybody who wants to record submission videos/recordings and/or voice lessons.  And it's only 40 bucks!  It's pretty small… doesn't clip onto your clothing but it sits on the music stand or on the computer screen… and it is a USB so it goes directly into the computer as the external microphone.  Highly recommended for those of us who hate the way the iPhone makes our voices sound.  Look at it here.

I am a new Netflix customer this year and these are my top 3 choices.  Breaking Bad (R.I.P.), Orange is the New Black and Scandal are like acting masterclasses.  Superb stuff going on in the non-reality TV underworld.  The only bad thing about these shows is now I'm able to guess all the endings to every other show and movie.  I'm like a certified television crime detective now.

These saved my life this summer and I know this is a singing blog but whatever.  I went on this ludicrous diet (no sugar, no fruit, no carbs, no alcohol, no caffeine) and ThinkThin bars saved mi vida.  They're very low sugar (3g) and high protein (19g) compared to other bars and they're also GLUTEN FREE... AND they taste good.  Hello!  Then when I really needed a treat I went to Chloe's (maybe 3 times… I didn't cheat too often).  And I get the banana soft serve with strawberries and peanut butter drizzle.  I know.  I cheated and I didn't even get the chocolate.  I'm strange but I lost 20lbs with those things.  

Louise Dearman played Galinda on the West End from 2010 to 2011 (she later returned to the show as Elphaba and when you listen to this you'll understand why).  My friend, Lindsay, brought this clip to my attention and she and I had some fun figuring out what this Galinda was doing and recreating it.  Listen to the words "The wicked die alone."  I think of the 5,000 views this video has and the 11,000 the full version has, my friends and I are responsible for at least 2,000 of the collective 16.  Ridiculous.

Saw Violet at Encores! and it was an unbelievable, unbelievable staged reading.  I can't even imagine that seeing it with the sets and full costumes next year could be any better because this was pretty spectacular.  I was sitting in a far back row with a friend and my foggy contact lenses, and Sutton Foster's absolutely heartbreaking subtleties in this role were just as impactful as the full gospel choir.  She totally mastered the ability to make Violet the ingenue without playing "an ingenue."  It's one of my favorite roles in musical theater (has been ever since I saw my friends in a production where I went to school) and I LOVED what she did with it.  They even lowered "Lay Down Your Head" a step or two and I was like, "You GO, Sutton Foster, you're a BOSS."  I am really psyched for the upcoming revival.    (Another Jeanine Tesori… I guess she wins the award for 2013.)

It wouldn't be a Mixie Chicks blog post without a little Sherie.  I saw Piece of Meat, Sherie Rene Scott's cabaret, very late LAST year, but I liked this one so much I'm letting it sneak into 2013.  Plus she did bring it back to 54 Below this June so it can still count.
I enjoyed this show so much, not even really because of the singing but because this is story-telling at its finest.  She says some of these stories aren't even true but you don't really care if they're true or not.  I think one story was even about being under water and making strong eye contact with a fish, if I remember correctly?  She says, "All the stuff that isn't made up is true." in her usual sort of ironic, dry way in an interview for Broadwayworld.com, but regardless of what is autobiographical and what isn't autobiographical, this is just great close-to-life material that isn't gratuitous or masturbatory.  Anybody who is thinking of putting together a cabaret (or just wants to see a very non-cheesy cabaret) should see this next time it comes around!


Aright, peeps! Those are my Mixie Picks!  Did you have any favorite performances this year?  Post in the comments section!

Happy Holidays!

THIS IS NOT THE MASSAGE YOU GET AT THE NAILS PLACE

Hey Guys!  So I never plug anything… and I am a very frugal person as many will tell you.  I probably single-handedly put Colony out of business… I have regrets… I'm going to Hell…. I know.  I'm sorry.  But this is something I just tried for the first time and am going to recommend to you.

I tried a massage at Lifelight Massage yesterday and it was incredible.  I feel 100% better overall and I can even see a difference vocally.  I've been having an anxious couple of months and not only did she get rid of the knots that I thought were going to be permanent facets of my body because of how awful they felt and how persistent they were, but I kid you not, I stopped having stress-related sugar cravings and I slept better than I had in weeks last night.  And then when I went to sing, it felt like someone sprayed some WD-40 in my jaw, my neck feels great, my vibrato was faster, and riffing was smoother than ever! This is crazy!

Also, Christine showed me that an injury I had due to an accident I had as a kid (18 yrs ago!) that I hadn't really considered relevant anymore is actually something I still need to rehabilitate a little.  She found it without my even mentioning it… and I really can't believe how much tension I'd been holding in that spot that I was unaware of until she released it for me.

AND…the detail that really matters most…. more than 24 hours later I still feel awesome.

Again, I don't plug things… it's very rare… but I'm telling you if you're in NYC  this is worth the money and it's something that will improve your quality of life.  I plan to make this a part of my life now because I saw how beneficial it can be to my system.  And then after you go in person, take advantage of the fact that Lifelight is putting out a self-care series on YouTube very soon.  You can see what it's supposed to feel like when she does it for you and then you can do at-home maintenance, too.  Treat yourself.  Ask for a massage for Christmas.  Do what you gotta do.  Just try it.

Read about massages specifically for vocalists here.

CHICKS WHO MIX: HOW TO ROCK LIKE THE HARDCORE GIRL GIRLS

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80'S BWAY, I LOVE YOU

Listen to these girls!!!! They're pioneers of the Mixie Chick Movement!