Who Run the World? Depersonalizing your voice and getting fierce....Sasha Fierce. PART 1:

"Sasha Fierce is the fun, more sensual, more aggressive, more outspoken side and more glamorous side that comes out when I'm working and when I'm on the stage...I have someone else that takes over when it's time for me to work and when I'm on stage, this alter ego that I've created that kind of protects me and who I really am."  - Beyonce Knowles

A lot of people rolled their eyes about Beyonce when she started making people call her Sasha Fierce.

But listen, this woman had the right idea.  She’s now one of the most successful women in the world.  Maybe there’s something to be said for creating and using an alter ego. 

**Disclaimer:  I do not have Multiple Personality Disorder.  I promise.

This past year I learned a lot about myself.  I had to student teach in 2 public schools to earn my Master’s Degree, and part of that required being observed four times by a supervisor who would submit my results to the Department of Education.  Now,  I even get nervous to this day to teach in front of Tom at TBVS.  When Tom watches me work with someone I’m spontaneously paralyzed, can’t play the piano and I start stuttering.  That being said, I had to get a grip because in September I suddenly found myself in a blazer and standing in front of a predominantly Chinese-speaking second grade class.  Panic ensued.  How does this relate to singing or performing at all?  I will tell you.

So even though people usually call me “Jenderosa,” my name is Jennifer and people rarely call me that.  I usually even introduce myself as Jennifer and, even if I’m the only Jennifer in the building, somehow everyone calls me “Jenderosa” anyway. But no one in my family calls me "Jenderosa" because... well... we're all DeRosa's so that would be weird.  So I am usually in Jennifer mode when I’m at a family party because the people there call me Jennifer. When I'm in "Jennifer mode,” I am quiet, introspective and observant, and, up until a few years ago, if you were to watch me at said family party you might have suspected that I had social anxiety disorder or something because I could be awkward as hell or found sitting in a corner with a pinot grigio.  A special skill of mine while in Jennifer mode is that I am undefeated when it comes to not getting kicked out of the kitchen because I know how to help while staying out of my mother's way. Every other family member gets screamed at and kicked out every single time.  It’s like a running joke.

At the studio, Tom calls me Jen DeRosa and when I’m teaching I would say I am not nearly as shy as I am where I’m referred to as Jennifer.  I’ve learned (and it was not easy) to use “Jenderosa” instead of Jennifer in the studio because Jenderosa is not AS awkward, she can carry a conversation without freaking out and she can think clearly under pressure.  She is a fighter; not a “flighter” and she can get the job done.   

During the first days of student teaching, I thought it would be most helpful to the real classroom teacher to be like how I am when I’m in the kitchen with my mom.  I essentially stood in a corner until I was needed to go reach something high in a cupboard.  But then I realized I was useless.  My Fight or Flight response was turned on “Flight mode” because, in my eyes, I’d just be in the way if I tried to help, but really I was just in the way because I wasn’t helping at all! I felt like I wasn't good enough, I thought the classroom teacher hated me, I considered a career change, etc.   I thought, "I wish I could feel the way I feel when I'm teaching voice lessons."  And then I realized, "Well, why can't I do that?" 

So I decided to experiment with something.  I brought my voice teacher self, Jenderosa, into that classroom even though I wasn’t teaching voice and something clicked.  I was a much better teacher, I thought faster on my feet, my supervisor gave me more responsibilities, and I felt more comfortable in general.  It was like a totally bipolar experience.  I was suddenly excited to go everyday instead of secretly plotting how I could get out of it.  The same cycle happened when I switched placements and had to be in a high school.  I was placed at LaGuardia High School and was feeling a lot of pressure. So I decided to do the same experiment.  The first few days I wanted to die and then I decidedly turned my voice teacher personality on the second I walked past the security guard in the mornings and felt so much better.  I was still myself but a stronger version of myself who could perform successfully without the annoying negative self-talk getting in the way.  And if I did mess up, I got over it a hell of a lot faster because it was Jenderosa’s mistake; not mine.   Jenderosa is my Sasha Fierce.

Some random production of Jack & The Beanstalk

Something else that got me thinking about alter egos is that someone recently told me that they can do anything on stage when they know it's Children's Theater, but that they are overcome with stage fright when they step out in front of adults to the point of not being able to perform.  That stuck with me and got me thinking:  The “This isn't the real me” thing helps her, too! In her subconscious, she’s probably thinking, "I'm not afraid to look like an asshole because this is not what I really do.  This is not Chekhov.  I'm just playing around to make the kids laugh."   Ironically, in the process of doing this kind of show, she ends up doing some of her best work because all of that judgy junk isn't in her way.  She allows herself to play and isn't concerned about getting negative feedback because the work isn't so personal.   

Into the Woods, Public Theater

There is value to this kind of play/practice because while our subtext is "I'm not taking myself seriously in this moment, so you shouldn't take me seriously either," we let the self judgment go and we can give ourselves an opportunity to discover things about our abilities and talents that can potentially be valuable to the work we do when we do want people to take us seriously.  

This is how you can start to find your own Sasha Fierce:   

• Try to identify other people's Sasha Fierces. Think about it. Lady Gaga didn't start taking the sunglasses off and losing the weird British accent in interviews until fairly recently. For Christ's sake, she even found the loophole for the red carpet interviews by arriving in an egg! (Maybe I should try that at the next Baby Shower I have to go to.) Up until then, she really used that persona to stay grounded during her interviews so she could accurately represent the brand she had created for herself. Take a gander at this: Beyonce Idolization Spawns Alter Ego for Adele

• Think about where you're most confident in your performance life. You could be most confident when you're cooking, when you're dancing, heck you might even be most confident when you're fooling around with your boyfriend or girlfriend. Wherever you find this version of you, name her something. Then bring her along when you have to go to an audition or sing in public (Make sure she has clothes on, though.). 
• If you're one of those people who say, "I can do it in my voice lesson but it doesn't work when I go to auditions," I bet you there is something about the way you're thinking that is inconsistent, too.  Try to measure how relaxed you are, how confident you feel and how much fun you're having at your voice lessons.  It's good to be as aware of yourself as possible when you're in a relaxed circumstance so you have markers for how you should try to make yourself feel the day you need to perform.  When you're relaxed at your voice lesson and laughing and thinking about getting Taco Bell later, are you clenching your ass or sticking your neck out? Maybe not!  It's just good to be aware.
• Don't underestimate the importance of how you sing when you're just joking. I can't tell you how many times girls have come in and said "I need to sing like Kelli Ohara" and then when I say, "Well how would this sound if you were making fun of opera?" they sound really close to the sound they’re actually looking for. 
• And most importantly, treat yourself to some lessons specifically when you're not preparing for something. Tell the coach you're just there to play. Secretly, you'll be working just as hard as you always do, but he doesn't have to know that. You will create an instant low stakes situation while you take some mental notes of what works.
• Read Part 2 of this post coming soon!

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This past week I was formally observed for the last time on my student teaching journey.  The feedback I've gotten consistently from both of my observers has been "You have a great teaching persona!  Anything that you did that may have needed some adjustment in your lesson is secondary to having a good teaching persona.  You can't learn that!"

Little do they know..... ;)