ET TU, VOCE?

I have a few students who can sing whistle tones like Mariah Carey. When I try to compete with them, it's totally impossible and I look like Kermit the frog when Miss Piggy is hugging him too hard.
I'd like to be able to sing that way and I can verbally articulate what I'd like to be able to do, but the notes just don't come out no matter how much I hope they do before I open my mouth.  The stubborn Irish/Italian girl in me doesn't allow me to listen to any Mariah Carey recordings, by the way.  She tells me I should just be able to make these sounds without listening or having any point of reference whatsoever because I'm a proficient singer and I should know how to do it without help. When I inevitably fail, I get aggravated in my Irish/Italian way about how my brain doesn't make a noise that high.  I know what you're thinking: "You mean your voice can't make noises that high."  Take a seat on the carpet! It's time for a story, children!  

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There was once a young Italian painter. He had a palette of beautiful colors, and ceiling-high stacks of canvases covered in passion-filled strokes lined the perimeter of his teeny apartment. The painter painted every waking hour. There was nothing he would rather do than paint the Tuscan sunset or countryside with its beautiful flowers and Cypress trees. But the poor, young painter rarely sold a painting.

After several days of living on but crumbs and water, he went to the town marketplace to find what food he could afford. There he saw many of his friends from painting school. He found his friend Giancarlo selling his famous paintings of dogs wearing hats. He found Franco selling his famous paintings of dogs wearing hats and he saw Stefano selling his famous paintings of dogs wearing hats. Paintings of dogs wearing hats were all the rage in Tuscany and they were flying off the easels before the young painter's very eyes. Giancarlo, Franco and Stefano counted their Lira while the young painter scrounged for a measly apple.
Giancarlo approached the young artist with glee and said, "Take a look at our dog paintings.  You must  paint dogs wearing hats so you can eat and be fat like us."
The young artist nodded his head in agreement but wondered if he could paint a dog in a hat.  He had only learned about landscapes in painting school and had never tried to paint such a thing.

On his way home he shouted to God in his thick Italian accent, "Why-a, God-a? I paint-a such-a beautiful-a landscapes of the Tuscan-a countryside with-a such-a skill... such-a panache...and nobody will buy a single painting! If I must-a paint dog picture to eat, then I must!"

When he got home, he picked up his palette and nervously held his favorite brush in his hand.  He put the brush on the canvas.  He closed his eyes and began to paint.  To his surprise, he felt his hand making swirls and circles and thought, "This surely must be the best painting I have ever painted!"
After hours and hours of swirls and circles, he shouted, "And now I open my eyes to see my painting." The young painter opened his eyes. His jaw dropped in awe. It certainly was the best painting of his career thus far, but to his dismay, he had not painted a dog with a hat.  He had painted the Tuscan sunset over the countryside covered with verdant, green Cypress trees and red and orange poppies. The young artist's eyes filled with hot tears. "This is the ugliest painting I have ever painted! I will never eat again!  My brush, you have betrayed me!"
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Because Musical Theater is not only an art, it is a business, we can't always depend on the gorgeous landscapes we have in our back pockets to make us money even though they're fun to paint and they make us feel like real artists. Sometimes the sounds in demand are, unfortunately, the dogs wearing the hats.  For instance, high belting is a sound that is in demand right now.  Do we all do that naturally?  No, of course not, but we need to be versatile if we want to work more often.   On the same note, many of us Musical Theater people have a hard time singing pop music. We close our eyes, take a deep breath and just hope whatever we're singing comes out authentically pop/rock enough for the casting director to buy it.  I know, personally, I didn’t understand for a long time what made pop music poppy or rock music rocky.  Finally, a genius named Sheri Sanders published a book on how Musical Theater artists can cross over into pop/rock.  To supplement what she writes in the book, she suggests listening to some pop singers on Pandora to get accustomed to their styles and to hear a variety of new songs you wouldn't have heard otherwise.  Once I forced myself to sit down and take notice of what these singers were actually doing and stopped myself from trying to reinvent the wheel, I finally got a grasp of what I was supposed to tell my voice to do and not what I should expect my voice to be able to know how to do on its own.    (As a side note, if you have not read this book, then you need to read it immediately: )

Rock The Audition by Sheri Sanders (featuring Tom Burke!)

When I was 12, I did a production of Into The Woods.  It was my first show and I was cast in the ensemble (... I was seriously the only ensemble member... I basically WAS the ensemble....) but luckily the girl playing Florinda quit so I got bumped up to Florinda.  The girl playing Cinderella was maybe 16 and she had a great voice. I tried to sing Steps of the Palace at home and it just wasn't happening.  It was way too high for me and it only went up to a D.  I remember asking her after she stepped off the stage from a rehearsal with the piano, "How do you do that?" and she said "Do what?" I said, "Sing that high!" and she said, "Oh, that's not that high!" I was stunned.  It sure felt high to me!  I went home, switched my Irish/Italian attitude to that of a Scotland Yard detective and really practiced my ass off from the time I was 12 to the time I was 14 without the help of a teacher. I got a full octave under my belt just by listening really hard.
Looking back now, I couldn't actually “visualize” those notes with my ears , similarly to how I can't hear those Mariah Carey whistle tones with my "mind's ear" now. I've listened to Musical Theater repertoire every day for the past fifteen years so now I know what to do. I can hear it in my head before I open my mouth. But I certainly haven't listened to enough Mariah Carey to really understand what the hell is going on up there.  (My friend Norman, on the other hand, HAS listened to Mariah Carey every day and he CAN hit those notes. And he's a guy. So there's something to be said for THAT.)

While learning how to paint dogs in hats, we need to understand what a dog in a hat looks like before we put the brush on the canvas.  We can't just close our eyes, hope to God it looks right and then be disappointed when we open them and we didn't get our wish.  We can't blame our brushes (or voices), either.  They're just the tools.  We're the bosses.   We've got to have a plan and we've got to come prepared.  What kind of dog?  What kind of hat? What size brush? Which colors?

Maybe if I really sat and listened to Mariah Carey every day like Norman does I could come close to hitting some of those whistle tones, but I just haven't done that! I can't be mad at my voice for not knowing what to do when my brain doesn't even know! Nobody wants to listen to a Jackson Pollock vocalist. That's a mess.

This guy is a great multitasker... 
he can also balance on a thing!

Here are some things to think about:

• Don’t get distracted by the acting.  Use your left brain to take notice of the technical things that have to happen aside from the dramatic aspect of it. Then when you've got some muscle memory...
• you can use your right brain! But I am begging you-- don't turn your left brain back off!!! Don’t negate all the technical vocal work you’ve just done.  It’s like the tummy rub, head pat thing.  You’ve got to multitask!!
• Don't get frustrated with yourself. It might not be that you just can't do it... it could be that you just don't understand it yet. When you go on a trip, you know your destination and hopefully you look at a map to figure out how to get there first. Teleportation doesn't exist yet. Don't let the stubborn Irish/Italian girl who lives in you deny you your right to the map.
• Try not to compare your work to your friends' work, and recognize that just because your work isn't what people want to hang on their walls right now doesn't mean it's not amazing. The painter wanted to quit just because he wanted to paint a dog but could only paint a tree. The tree is great! Keep the tree! Bring the tree to the marketplace and convince people they need the tree! Just keep practicing the dog!
• Record, record, record!!! When you get it right and you don't have it recorded so you can go back and see what the hell you did ... I will kill you!
• Take a look at your landscapes and see if you can find any little dogs in hats sneaking around. You might already be accessing the sound you're looking for without even realizing it... and the pressure of making that sound in THIS particular song is freaking you out. I swear to God, when I am fooling around and singing Beyonce songs in the shower I can hit certain high notes, and then in the context of a Mariah song I just cannot do it. I need to teach my brain not to get freaked out when I think of it being a Mariah note. It's the same freakin' note! Just not in a Beyonce song!

In closing, I promise to listen to some Mariah Carey over the next couple of weeks and I will report back. Holy Jesus, here we go.  Sorry, new neighbors!

[**The story about the young artist may have sounded like Hans Christian Andersen could have written it ... but I actually made it up.  All rights reserved.  ;)  ]